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Unsmurfy Talk
"Unsmurfy Talk" is a mini-story in the EMPATH: The Luckiest Smurf series. Story One night at Tapper's Tavern, the Smurfs were noticing Jokey and Sneaky talking about something in a rather nasty way. "Do you ever see how big those things get?" Sneaky asked. "I wonder if Smurfette likes them that big, Sneaky," Jokey said. "Sometimes when somebody is even near Smurfette, they stand straight up," Sneaky said. "Yeah, that's when you can tell that a Smurf is really happy," Jokey said. "You think anyone can tell whether Clockwork smurfs that happy, Jokey?" Sneaky said. "Who knows? Something always smurfs out of his," Jokey said. "I think Greedy uses his to smurf the creamy fillings inside his morning muffins," Sneaky said. "Uhhh...smurf out of here with that thought," Jokey said, sounding disgusted. "It's true," Sneaky said. "I also heard that Clumsy got his smurfed inside Handy's wood smurfer." "What was Clumsy doing smurfing near that thing?" Jokey asked. "Who knows when it comes to Clumsy?" Sneaky answered. "It was really painful to smurf. The thing didn't even smurf right when they finally smurfed it out." "And then Dimwitty had smurfed his on fire one time," Jokey said. "That must have made him feel really hot," Sneaky said. "Yeah, he sure had that burning sensation," Jokey said. "That would have been one smurfed sausage." "He needs to stop smurfing in and out of the oven, Jokey," Sneaky said. "Just to smurf a bun in there, no doubt," Jokey said. "Of course, Zipper couldn't wait to smurf his thing," Sneaky said. "He'd be wanting it to smurf faster and faster." "That's Zipper for you, always in a hurry to smurf anything," Jokey said. "He should slow down so he could enjoy it more," Sneaky said. "Great Smurfiny Crickets, what daft thing are you even talking about in such a way that has people thinking?" Tapper asked. "It's a Smurf hat, Tapper," Jokey said, laughing. "Yeah," Sneaky said. "What do you think we were talking about?" Tapper returned to the counter where Empath was filling in while his friend waited on tables. "Do you hear how those two Smurfs are talking, my good Empath?" he said. "It's like they enjoy smurfing in perversity for no good reason at all." "It's a constant game they play, Tapper," Empath said. "They like speaking in a suggestive manner about ordinary things just to have other Smurfs look at them." "I'd rather not have them smurf this kind of talk in my tavern, Empath," Tapper said. "Just hearing them smurf in such a dishonorable manner about ordinary things makes me feel rather unclean." "Truth to tell, Tapper, it's rather hard to keep a pure mind about anything related to Smurfette now that this smurf is living with her," Empath said. "The temptation of the flesh is always present, Empath, whether there's a Smurfette around or not," Tapper said. "Her presence simply added to the temptations that we face on a daily basis, and not by anything that she has purposely smurfed other than choosing to be a real Smurf." "But you don't think about what most Smurfs want to do with her besides just marrying her, Tapper...that part of 'smurfing under one's hat'," Empath noted. "Ah, yes, the private moments that are best left smurfed with a married couple," Tapper said. "I am not completely without those feelings of desiring that intimacy, Empath, but all the same, I do not wish to spend my days smurfing on some fantasy that I feel is totally dishonorable to both Smurfette and to the Almighty." "So how do you manage to keep your thoughts pure when it comes to being around Smurfette, Tapper?" Empath asked. "A little verse from the Good Book is what I remind myself with, Empath," Tapper said. "It says, 'whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy; think on these things.' That and a lot of time smurfed alone in prayer is what helps me." "That certainly sounds like good advice to this smurf, Tapper," Empath said. "Jokey and Sneaky can dabble in perversity all they want, but this smurf isn't going to follow down their path and join them." Category:Empath the Luckiest Smurf stories Category:Mini-stories Category:VicGeorge2K9's articles